PILLS FOR ILLS

Recently, I saw a commercial on television for yet another new pill that will take off the body fat without having to change my lifestyle or what I eat, or anything. "WOW, that's great", I said to myself. However, the small print at the bottom of the ad and the announcer said that I would have to take the pill everyday for the rest of my life and it would wind up costing me an obscene amount of money. Oh, man! I'm already taking so many pills and things, I can't even see straight. I'm on a gel that my doctor prescribed for me to take to boost my testosterone levels. So now I have the libido of a 17 year old man trapped in a sixty something year old body. This makes dating a real challenge. Either my dates are not into guys over fifty, or else I scare them to the point that they never return any of my calls.

To make matters even worse, the gel is making my hair thin out. That wouldn't be so bad if the thinning hair were anywhere else besides my head. All of this has led me to 'emotional eating syndrome', which is why the ad caught my eye in the first place. Maybe I should just have the liposuction and forget about the pill. I could also do the surgery AND start on the 'fat pill' at the same time. That way, I could get back into the shape I was in at the age where my drug-induced libido is now. What did I just say?

Sometimes I feel like I must have some sort of french fry withdrawal. Maybe I should ask my doctor if french fries are right for me. But, wait a minute... with the 'fat pill', that won't be necessary. It's a good thing, too. What with the cost of the 'fat pill', the testosterone gel, the hair growth therapy, the liposuction and the endless doctor bills, I won't have much money left over to eat french fries anymore, anyway. Okay, that's it. That's my plan. At least I know where I stand, this way. I don't think I could handle anything like a complicated 'lifestyle change' in my life right now, that's for sure.

Hey, wait a minute. What was that? Oh, it's the alarm clock!" It's time to get up and do morning cardio on my bicycle. Whew! That was quite a nightmare I just had. I wonder if anybody actually thinks that way about their life?